Well this is it...

Well this is it... You I hate to put myself at the bottom of the food chain and at times I feel like I deserve no better, so I consider taking advanced placed classes, which here happen to be more of a pain in the temple than actual college class, my way up the food chain well mine at least....and to get myself ready I announced my dropping of ALL my AP classes in order to better my chances of getting accepted to the university of my choice. I know you think, How does that make sense?? Well look at it this way....when you know there's a car coming full speed ahead with no sign of mercy...you may not want to cross the dang street. Same analogy, plug it into my crazy, sweet UCLA grad teacher who thinks 50 page essay are FUN and timed writings are the shizzz.THEN, I thought to myself, I was doing it to myself...yeah ME. I was my best closest enemy and I worked at myself from the inside out. I think now, 'whoa how could I deprive myself from that beauty of education...no not that little benefit that comes with the package --power and money-- No something that i speak of is this iltimate ecstasy that renders to safety of knowing what you can't see. Rather that unmercyful feeling of utter confusion and out of that....no matter the support or numbers in people, lonliness seeps deeper than this atmosphere that hauls us in Earth's little hold of elements in a universe of elements...its this fullness that knowing can bring comfort, knowing why it rains, why it doesnt, why someone does drugs and proves hopless in the area of recovery...knowing is simply my goal target reason and place in those classes that I KNOW I will suffer from in such great regret of taking them....I want to say I hate myself for putting myself in such a bad position....but I can only say that when time passes this year to the next, thanks is all I can give to myself. My suffer and sleepless nights bring on a new level, a new challenge, a new beauty.....one more of a million I have to gain